Relationships vs. Experiences

              Relationships vs. Experiences 

     Which side are you on? Does it matter? Let's find out. Everywhere you look on social media is another post about "finding a good man" or "women don't want a good man". It's always something like that lol. But why? Why is it so hard for relationships to last ot better yet, why is it so hard to find someone who wants a relationship? Of course there are a lot of people whom have been scarred from previous relationships and they have their guard up so high that by the time it starts to come down, the other person is no longer interested. It's a cycle that happens over and over again. Other relationships last just long enough for the "honeymoon" phase to run out and then it's back to square one. And then you have your relationships that last long enough to where marriage comes into play but divorce happens so quickly because they just "fell out of love" or "grew apart". Whether we like it or not, relationships are what we do everyday. In my opinion, it's kind of what we're here for. To build relationships. It shapes our way of thinking and provides us with a better sense of life based off the people we build relationships with.

       Now let's talk about experiences. Experiences help us by letting us know exactly who we are as a person. It helps us weed out the good and the bad of what we like about ourselves and what we like about each other. For instance, one bad experience can ruin a relationship instantly. Whether it be an argument over something small, a bad dinner, or even a bad choice of words at the wrong time. Experience is basically your life's teacher. You'll never know what you're capable of doing or becoming until you experience something. It helps us find out who we are. If bbn you can think about the great players in any sport, they'll tell you that they all had to overcome some type of bad or tough experience before they became champions. It's lifes way of saying that the road won't always be easy. You have to go through something before you can be great. Now lets put them together. 

       Personally, I think a lot of relationships are failing because people are looking for great experiences over great relationships. What does that mean? It means that I would rather go through the "honeymoon" phase with you but before things get complicated where rules and guidelines come into play, I don't want any part of that. Let's be honest, both genders struggle with rules and guidelines in a relationship. If that wasn't the case, the divorce rate wouldn't be so high would it? Of course there are other causes for divorce don't get me wrong but in the end a rule was broken. Most people probably wouldn't refer to them as rules but they're usually talked about early on in the relationship when guys are mostly thinking about the chase. Ahh the chase. The "this girl is so beautiful that I would do anything to get her" chase. While chasing her looks, you don't realize you're also chasing her anxiety of being in a relationship right now because the last guy cheated on her. Chasing her emotions because she's in school and working a full time job and stressed from not having enough time and etc. And ladies you do it too. You enjoy the chase as well. But you're also chasing his emotions because he has a child that he can't see but still pays child support. Chasing his time because he's working full time and may not be able see you as much as you'd like. It happens all the time. We chase the wrong things. We want the experiences of a relationship without having the proper relationship experience. Why is that? Why do we want everything on our terms? You know it's true. Both sides have to be willing to work which brings me to my next point.

      Role play. No not the dress up kind let's keep it rated PG here lol. Gender roles matter in relationships. A lot of you may disagree. I'm not saying that one is more important than the other because they go hand in hand. Yes the days of the woman staying home and cooking everyday, keeping the house clean and washing clothes, are pretty much gone. They're some that still do it but that's not my point. I said that to say that roles and habits are formed in the beginning of the relationship as well. Ever heard the saying, "what you do to get them, do it to keep them?" Those experiences during the dating phase help form the relationship and they often serve as a reference point during the marriage phase. Being spontaneous and surprising was what helped you win your partner over. Don't let life take that away from your relationship. If that's a key building block in your relationship and it's taken away from either sides that's a huge gap to fill. How is that gap normally filled? With another experience most likely. Significant others know each other. You know what that person likes and how much they like it from the experiences you've had together. How much salt in this particular dish. Favorite food. Favorite movie. You know all of this stuff from experiences. With all of that information, why would you let life stop you from being there or doing those things without asking, for your partner? Some people call it effort or lack thereof. Don't let that be the reason for a failed relationship. We get mad at co workers and bosses and get right back up the next day and go to work because we don't want to lose our jobs right? We have one argument at home and everything stops. Why? Either you don't care or you don't think that person will leave. Don't let it get that far. Let's build these relationships to be stronger with great experiences. 

       I believe relationships and experiences go hand in hand. There is no relationship without experiences. It's what we need in order to form our opinions about moving forward with a relationship or not. Those things you did to get that person are what's needed to keep that person. It's simple. Think about it like this. The experience is what qualifies you for the job. You have to show you have the abilities to perform the task consistently. You began great. On time and going above and beyond of what is asked and expected of you. When inconsistencies appear, the relationship becomes strained and the employer will most likely have a meeting about your performance in hopes of it improving. They'll evaluate you and if no progress is made, they'll look for your replacement fill your shoes. That's a relationship. They take time to build and grow from experiences together. "I don't know you but let's date and see what happens", said nobody. Experiences build relationships. Relationships don't build without experiences. That's my opinion. 

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